The hard moments...

There is nothing worse than trying to comfort a infant who is crying desperately with tears in her eyes and then having the other one then start up and watching your husband struggle with the frustrations of not being able to help her.  We went through another of these episodes tonight.  It's tough Abigail was crying her heart out and we just couldn't figure out what the problem was I think she was doing this for nearly an hour or more and nothing we did seem to help her.  Finally we resorted to some tylenol, followed by a bottle with some of Isabel's antacid in it.  It's difficult to tell if she might be teething (although other than drool we can't find or see anything else obvious), however, she had done a considerable amount of spit up this evening after her feed and we are wondering if she has a touch of the same thing Isabel has and in desperation and all that we are just about willing to try anything to bring her some relief.  Heck I tried water in a bottle to try and help calm her after all she was just so worked up.

I put it all down to the trials of being a beginner parent.  In the end I could see how frustrated James was getting and tried to get him to leave me with both the children and just get away for 10 minutes or so and calm down.  I am by far from the perfect parent I have yelled at my kids, cried, snarled, called them names when unable to get them to settle down.  But at the end of the day it's not their fault and I have to remind myself that.  Yes I take it out on the cats that get under feet the moment I get up to go make the bottles...that want their fair share of attention when I'm trying to give my attention to my daughters.  I would like to say James when you are calm again and relaxed just think about it this way it was really only a short period of time that world war III was happening really it was.  Think about it...you got home at 4 and the girls weren't that bad...and we got through most of dinner too after dinner was obviously another story but was it all that bad in the end?  And unlike many parents it's now 9pm the kids are in the crib and blessedly silent.  Calmness reigns in the house...I know it was a rough day at work I can't do much about that sorry.  And yes I know I did a booboo taking the kids out as I did I just didn't think too much about what I was doing at the time.  But now you can reflect on it I hope it wasn't that bad.

I'm sure other parents go through this we can't be immune.  Heck I heard Jo spent the first 3 mths with Khia sleeping in her arms if not more we got to 8 weeks and then in the crib they went and have been there ever since.  Our youngest daughter is already feeding herself!  That's months ahead of the norm and you had that wonderful moment this evening sitting on the floor with her feeding her and watching her go for the spoon and actually enjoying her food.  Take comfort in their achievements darling rather than their short comings.  And hey they will get better than the cats coz eventually they will be able to tell us what is wrong rather than us trying to guess unlike said cats, the kids will learn I promise the cats well yes, I love em dearly but they are just not going to learn like our baby girls will.

Remember back to the days where we really had even less of a clue than we do now, those first few nights we had with the girls.  Then bringing them home.  I remember the car seats on the floor of the living room and thinking to myself em ok now what.  The nights of very little sleep feeding them every 2 or 3 hours...being too afraid to put them in the crib yet knowing it was for the best but knowing also the moment they were put in there and left alone they were crying.

Are our girls going to hate us as they grow older for not taking away their pain and hurt and not comforting them during nights like tonight?  I doubt it...we did everything we could for Abigail we fed her, we changed her, we walked around with her, we sang to her, we tried to entice her attention with toys, I tried a teething ring too, nothing seemed to work for the poor little soul.  Yet now she is fast asleep probably plain out exhausted from a frustrating evening for all.  But she is happy and content, I hear her breathing so I am not worried about her at the moment.

We will weather this time.  Don't beat yourself up too much my love.  And I'm sorry for also having a go at you as well.  It's hard I know I'm not supposed to it got to me too and instead of taking it out on the girls I took it out on you I know I did.  We were both frustrated.  I think tho as long as we recognize it for what it is and don't place blame we should be fine.  I wish I could have had an extra pair of hands believe me.  It's ok baby really it is, this is something neither of us were really prepared for so it's ok.  Lets just keep moving on learn from our mistakes.