Negotiating the traffic layout

Well having managed to successfully get to work again in one piece I have to question again the wisdom of that connector interchange at 880/92. Aware of the changes this time at least I was prepared! Again no signs or warnings. Mutters about bad planning. Worst part of it is you are dumped more or less into on coming traffic and there is limited visibility there specially for me.

But I just thank my lucky stars I got here in one piece. Now to enjoy a nice long weekend! Weee hopefully we will get off early today although with no Nadim in the office not sure how we will pull that one off but not my problem as they say.

Hate for Caltrans

OMG! Ok so right now I have problems driving in the dark, I can manage it but it is far from easy and I am definitely stressed driving in the dark. I don't like it period my depth vision is all off and I'm very scared pulling into on coming traffic, on the bright side I'm probably far safer than a lot of drivers because I have to pay more attention to what I'm actually doing.

So anyway I worked from home yesterday as I woke up with a headache didn't sleep well etc, and from experience that ain't a good combination to drive with. All well and good, so I make sure I'm in the office today. No problem! You would think, NOT. Caltrans, sometime between Tuesday morning and Thursday morning redid the entire junction from 880 to 92, scared me silly! No warnings and it was pretty unclear as to the new traffic pattern. Not something I want to experience again thank you very much!

Ah well lets hope I'll get it next time I have to drive it and at least I managed not to hit anything.

Love the days he brings me to work

Got to love the days right now where my husband ferries me back and forth to work. Takes a whole lot of stress off of me for driving specially in the morning. Although right now of course traffic is a bit lighter than normal. I think I'll cope.

But the mornings he brings me to work it's a nice time for us to catch up with each other. A time where neither of us are over tired he's often slept the night before I'm not tired from the days work and not being able to see. There are no distractions no tv just the two of us so we get to really talk to each other.

Anyway for the people wondering where we are at why we aren't calling etc. we are thinking about you, just the stress of everything going on right now is getting so us a bit. With all the extra time Jagr is working to make sure we have money in our pockets just in case of my medical expenses, all the moving costs. All the headaches that come with moving that you have to do. Gawd I hope I don't have to move again any time soon. 4 times now in 15 years and this is the first time I've really looked at what I have and downsized. Should have done it eons ago but the last time I was too emotionally messed up to deal with that.

My hopes are to keep a better home with less junk that needs dusting, keep things more minimal and really seriously just ditch the crud that's just sitting there and never being used. Definitely looking forward to being in a nicer place friendlier people.

Oh I just finished another podcast, the Noggle Stones funny! Something I thoroughly enjoyed listening too, production of this podcast was first class. It's hard I listen to these podcasts for a couple of weeks I get into the characters and then I have to say goodbye. Anyway this was another nice cast I could listen to easily on my commute.

I think I might move back to Scott Siegler for awhile so I can listen to complete books. I'm trying not to listen to Hutch, I love you man but it would drive me crazy having to wait a week for your next episode, so I'm letting you get ahead of me before I listen to the last of the 7th son novels, rest assured tho I am subscribed to your feed even if I haven't been listening to it yet...I am just savoring it waiting for the moment to open it up and start like you would a fine vintage wine, you take it out look at the bottle examine it put it back knowing it's not quite the right time and want to leave it but the temptation is there.

No change

Well no change in the eyesight not that I expected anything, I'm getting a little more used to it I think but that's about as far as it goes. Ah well at least another week before I get to see the neurologist and who knows how long after that it will take. Got to say at this rate I'll be back to normal vision again before anything gets done but oh well.

I spent the morning going through my books. We really want to try to downsize the amount that we have. It was a little distressing to put over 100 in recycling but I just don't have time to sell them or the patience and no one really wants them so in the recycling bin they go. A little sad but at the same time somewhat well enlightening a bit as well. Lot of books I know I'll never read again so they are just hanging on the bookshelves gathering dust, dust and em yet more dust. I might kull a few more later, if we can downsize what we have to 2 bookshelves I think we will be in good shape, and it's less to pay the movers to move. I mean I have had a lot of these on my shelves for years either I've read them or just will never read them and I paid to have them move as it was from NJ to here and all they are doing usefully is gathering dust.

I also went somewhat through my wardrobe again throwing out anything I'm unlikely to wear again or haven't worn in years. I should really get rid of my winter coat as well. Not something I'm going to need in California and we just don't go anywhere where I would use it. I haven't worn it in years and again it's just taking up closet space that we could use for something else.

I'm also probably going to take the shears to my wedding dress keep a piece of material from it for a scrap book but I don't see myself wearing it again I have no kids it's silly! I'm not one of these ultra sentimental people and I have pictures to remind me. Again it's closet space I could use. It's such a great opportunity to really take a look at what we have and what means anything to us. And at some point real soon now I need to take a stab at my office desk again..../sigh the stuff just builds up on there so quickly. Partly because I think I never did finish cleaning it off the last time.

Just craziness

I think Jagr is starting to come to terms with things now. I have to say it's not all bad, there are so many more things far worse than what I potentially have that could happen. Friends are being great and have said if we need some help with shopping etc then they would be more than happy to help out. I think so far shopping for me is the worst of it all, there is so much visual stimuli in the stores and with my poor vision it just feeks me out a little bit and it's not easy to find the items I want either necessarily.

Bless his soul my husband drove me to work this morning as well which actually had me in a great mood this morning, rather than stressing over trying to drive myself in. I can do it and I have done it's just a tiny bit em yes well stressful is the best word as I have to turn almost around to see into my blind spot. For the most part I just stay in the lanes where I don't have to change lanes a lot. I am fortunate that my drive doesn't involve too many changes, and I'm fine as long as I don't have a stall in front on me that I have to negotiate. It also means today I can work a full day and not worry too much about how tired I get as well.

I am probably getting ahead of myself but the more I have been reading about MS the more the symptoms that I've had point towards it so I'm not devastated by the news and it's funny people around me seem more concerned than I am. I'm happy I still have a lovely husband and right now the only issue is I see a little wonky and I have to be extra careful. I have a tendency to get a bit tired from trying to work with the computer so I take more breaks than I normally would. And hey I can touch type so I don't actually have to watch what I'm typing fortunately.

I'm still young and mobile and there are just so many people worse off than me, and I am really trying to look on the positive side of things. Chances are very likely a couple more months and I'll be seeing again just fine anyway. I think the only thing this may change is making me actually try to enjoy each day as I can and while I can. It's not one of those things that you can try to predict so why worry about it too much?

A diagnosis

Well having seen a couple of Dr's the last 2 days I have a diagnosis. Turns out I have something called 6th nerve optical palsy....and if that sounds a mouthful what it breaks down to is my left eye doesn't work just right. My vision in the stronger right eye is fine but my left eye won't track objects properly to the left side which is causing the double vision. That's like if you look straight ahead and then to the left my right eye does it just fine but my left eye gets so far moving to the left and then just stops.

This happens on a semi regular basis to people and in a lot of cases in about 3 mths it sorts itself out again. Because I've had problems with my left eye before they are trying to get me an MRI just to be on the safe side, lets see what the insurance company thinks otherwise, we give it 3 mths if it doesn't go back to normal then we have to look at treatment options. You have prisms and surgery options available so we shall see what happens I guess.

I can drive I just need to keep my left eye closed while I'm driving which cuts out the double vision problem, I have 20/20 vision in my right eye so I won't need glasses to drive good job it wasn't the other way around coz my left eye doesn't see so good and I'd need corrective glasses for that one.

All in all I'm happy enough with things I do get tired at the end of the day and I have a tendency to get a headache as well as it's just weird to be seeing like this. But at least we a diagnosis and I know that I'm not going crazy imagining things got to say at one point I did think this was just in my head.

Going cross-eyed, literally

Ok well after all the stress etc. and actually getting a place to live yada yada, I have to report I'm having some eye trouble again. I've had issues in the past it's not like that but it's certainly not fun either. For some reason I'm getting double vision, this is making it almost impossible for me to drive to work, joy. So we are now off seeing Doctor's etc to try and figure out what is going on. I feel fine in myself just it gets aggravating after awhile not being able to see properly. My near distance is mostly ok I get tired easily but I can at least read up close, distance and driving sure is a problem tho. I'll keep people posted on what is going on.

We found a place to live yay!

So our stress levels should drop we signed a lease and will be all set to move next month. Got to say we can't wait to get out of this dump! Management were great answered all our questions, cats will be fine there it will cut down on both of our commutes just as well coz it's a bit of a hike in rent on what we are paying now but oh is it worth it! We will gain a bunch more storage space which is great and lovely amenities like central A/C. To our current landlords see what nice tenants you will be loosing, and well I'm afraid I want to steal words from Kelly Clarkson's last hit, 'I will never wish bad things but I don't wish you well', but that's how I feel about the people at our current location. If we had been actually treated more civilly and the manager here had actually deigned to talk with us it would have been a different story, it almost feels as if we have been treated like dirt and it doesn't leave a good taste in the mouth. All I can say is thanks we found a place 100 times nicer than here and with people who actually care about the property and their tenants, rather take that than this bs. We asked civilly why they weren't giving us the option to renew they could have just said ok we just want to renovate and charge more..big deal the cold shoulder attitude wasn't great, if I were the boss of the manager and I saw that I would fire them on the spot. But I'm not instead I can rant here so forgive me.

Anyway time to relax de stress and then to start worrying about the actual move, we got 4 weeks so that should be plenty of time.

TTFN

Updates

Well it's been over a week. Lets just say last week was a tiny bit stressful and I'm probably understating things there. We had a lovely notice from our landlords telling us to vacate end of next month (joy) Jagr wasn't happy about this he was hoping we could go to a month to month lease and maybe stick it out a bit longer to save up a bit more cash. They also wouldn't give us a reason I suspect they want to renovate and increase the rent on it oh well. So now we are busy trying to find a new place to live in. I have a feeling we may end up moving down the road to Dublin/Pleasanton given that we have 2 cats that really limits the number of places available to us in Livermore and we just can't quite afford to rent a house there either. We are also trying to see if we can find a place with it's own washer and dryer rather than having to share and lug the laundry around every week. Got to say after 4 years for me and well 6 or 7 for him we are both tired of that lark. I hate to have to move our of Livermore but short of trying to get a new lease on a different apartment out of our landlord (no thanks not after this), quite honestly not a chance. I have to say the whole business over this has left such a sour taste in my mouth that I never want to have to deal with Prometheus Management again.

With the increase in rent and no noise reduction the whole place is old and stinks I would rather pay another 100 or so for a much nicer place than our dump. The paintwork looks awful that they did last year and already looks like it needs repainting, I want out of there. And the management there just don't care and they give that impression, I don't want to live in a place like that thank you. So we are looking at moving down the road, just more choices and well it would shorten my commute so I guess that's a plus, most likely it would knock 20 minutes or more a day off my slog. That or we move to Tracy and I add to what I do now and I'm not sure I want to do that I'm at about my limit.

Also I was on my own last week doing both admin jobs in the office, it wasn't fun. I skipped having a lunch break a lot just to get everything done.

Jagr's grandmother is going into hospital soon as we are both wishing her well. Maybe after things have settled down we have moved etc we can find the time to go and visit her. I think right now in all honesty we are struggling a little bit. Jagr with sleeping with the nightmare of the noise situation and to add now we have to find time to go apartment hunting with our odd schedules. We will cope it's just not easy, I'm thinking I'm going to have to take more time off again so we can move and both look at some places together.

This last weekend I just shut off I admit it. I was so tired after the last few weeks and a week of hell at work I didn't want to do anything useful other than just try to relax and de stress. I think I slept something like 12 hours Friday night which was bliss, then when it got a bit warm again in the afternoon Saturday I stopped on the computer playing Oblivion moved to the sofa watched a movie then fell asleep in front of the ac. Sheer bliss I almost felt refreshed by the time I went back to work again yay! Another 2 months and I get some time off I'm so looking forward to that I haven't really had a chance at some good R&R since our wedding last year....em wait was that really R&R I'm not sure it was so em goodness May last year then for a long weekend out in the country. Jagr is even worse! Oh well just keep going a bit longer get this move over with then perhaps we might get a chance to relax for a few months. Got to say thank goodness we started to save to move or we would have been in real trouble 60 days isn't that long when you think about it by the time you pay bills etc and moving ain't cheep! At least we won't be going into horrible debt to find some new place to live.

Anyway time to do some work I've rambled enough and ranted. Our apologies to everyone we have been neglecting. It might be a bit longer now but we do think about you all.