I put it all down to the trials of being a beginner parent. In the end I could see how frustrated James was getting and tried to get him to leave me with both the children and just get away for 10 minutes or so and calm down. I am by far from the perfect parent I have yelled at my kids, cried, snarled, called them names when unable to get them to settle down. But at the end of the day it's not their fault and I have to remind myself that. Yes I take it out on the cats that get under feet the moment I get up to go make the bottles...that want their fair share of attention when I'm trying to give my attention to my daughters. I would like to say James when you are calm again and relaxed just think about it this way it was really only a short period of time that world war III was happening really it was. Think about it...you got home at 4 and the girls weren't that bad...and we got through most of dinner too after dinner was obviously another story but was it all that bad in the end? And unlike many parents it's now 9pm the kids are in the crib and blessedly silent. Calmness reigns in the house...I know it was a rough day at work I can't do much about that sorry. And yes I know I did a booboo taking the kids out as I did I just didn't think too much about what I was doing at the time. But now you can reflect on it I hope it wasn't that bad.
I'm sure other parents go through this we can't be immune. Heck I heard Jo spent the first 3 mths with Khia sleeping in her arms if not more we got to 8 weeks and then in the crib they went and have been there ever since. Our youngest daughter is already feeding herself! That's months ahead of the norm and you had that wonderful moment this evening sitting on the floor with her feeding her and watching her go for the spoon and actually enjoying her food. Take comfort in their achievements darling rather than their short comings. And hey they will get better than the cats coz eventually they will be able to tell us what is wrong rather than us trying to guess unlike said cats, the kids will learn I promise the cats well yes, I love em dearly but they are just not going to learn like our baby girls will.
Remember back to the days where we really had even less of a clue than we do now, those first few nights we had with the girls. Then bringing them home. I remember the car seats on the floor of the living room and thinking to myself em ok now what. The nights of very little sleep feeding them every 2 or 3 hours...being too afraid to put them in the crib yet knowing it was for the best but knowing also the moment they were put in there and left alone they were crying.
Are our girls going to hate us as they grow older for not taking away their pain and hurt and not comforting them during nights like tonight? I doubt it...we did everything we could for Abigail we fed her, we changed her, we walked around with her, we sang to her, we tried to entice her attention with toys, I tried a teething ring too, nothing seemed to work for the poor little soul. Yet now she is fast asleep probably plain out exhausted from a frustrating evening for all. But she is happy and content, I hear her breathing so I am not worried about her at the moment.
We will weather this time. Don't beat yourself up too much my love. And I'm sorry for also having a go at you as well. It's hard I know I'm not supposed to it got to me too and instead of taking it out on the girls I took it out on you I know I did. We were both frustrated. I think tho as long as we recognize it for what it is and don't place blame we should be fine. I wish I could have had an extra pair of hands believe me. It's ok baby really it is, this is something neither of us were really prepared for so it's ok. Lets just keep moving on learn from our mistakes.
2 comments:
I so wish we lived closer so that John and I could just give you a big hug. It's hard, so hard, and you will get through it, and it will get so much better, but when you're living it, you can't see the end. At least, I never could.
I really believe that every new parent goes through this. The newborn months are just horrible, and sleep deprivation, stress, the sheer terror of doing something wrong bring out a bad side in all of us. I think some of us just talk about it more than others.
The thing that upset me most as a new Mum was that there were times when Catherine would cry and cry, and I could do nothing to help. I felt that, as her mother, I should be the one person who could comfort her, who could make it all better.
The difficulty is that it's all trial and error. The best you can do is try stuff, and see if it works. If it doesn't work, well tomorrow is another day, and you can try something else. Before they can tell you what's wrong, it's all guesswork, and it makes you feel like a dreadful parent to not know how to comfort your child.
And I can't begin to imagine what it's like with twins. Much much harder I am sure.
You are both doing really well. The time will come when you will both look back at this and have forgotten a lot of it. The time might come when you'd be prepared to go through it again, as unlikely as that sounds now! Rest assured the girls will not remember any of this stuff, and all they will know is that they grew up in a house full of love, where Mummy and Daddy love each other, and love them.
I don't know if I've told you before, but John and I do a podcast, which started out as an infertility podcast, but then became a pregnancy podcast, and is now a general geeking and parenting podcast. If you get the time to listen to podcasts any more, we're "Just Relax, It'll Happen" - http://justrelax.mevio.com . I recommend Series 2 episode 16 - Love your kids - where we spent a long time talking about our feelings after Catherine was born, and our feelings now. It would certainly confirm that you're not the only new parents to go through this.
Huge hugs,
Ruth.
Thank you your words help they really do. I really think we actually got very lucky with our two...oh they have their moments but fortunately they seem only temporary. I think it was just a bad day at work and coupled with frustration at not being able to calm her. It's even harder when I'm home alone and they get going. I just had 15 20 minutes of chaos however it seems a lot calmer now already. Isabel is fast asleep and Abigail happily chewing on her pacifier and as my Mum said 2 more weeks and she will be here as an extra hand. Debbie bless her soul has also offered to babysit once a month.
I can also say thank heavens for the sofa...at least all three of us can sit on there and I can get both of them calm again during the day when I'm home alone. I know I certainly don't follow all of the 'rules' but to be honest when you have twins you just have to do what works for you. I think what was frustrating last night was seeing James get so worked up to and really only having one pair of hands to do anything about it.
I count my blessings I really do I get a good 8 hours sleep and then a nap in the morning to boot! However I also have the stress of then dealing with the kids solo as well while James is at work. Feeding isn't so bad specially now that Isabel holds her own bottle. Gosh at nearly 5 mths now and the girls are so much better already than they were at 1mth and at least I haven't had to do a midnight feeding in a long time. Admittedly I have been getting up lately to put a pacifier in but they haven't required feeding at least.
I wonder sometimes if I give them both enough attention and oddly enough it's funny I ran into another MOT (mother of twins) in the park this week who has 8 mth old girls and she felt the same way! And as for that going through it again! Lol two is more than enough for us :) In fact we are going to make sure that's all we ever have.
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